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I have sunked into the deepest depth of fangirl' is craven with no ending sight.
I should feel disconcerted, but I can't even summon an ounce of pretensions for that.

Ultimately, my fandom is a place for me to release all of my secret fantasies and projections.
I ultimately know that my biases are not the idealized image I want them to be. I am aware of that. However, I will play pretend in my head and keep that idealized version of them in my heart.

I won't get angry or cursed when that images are proven to be false, instead I tHink I can continue to support them.

Sigh, I do feel that the life of fangirl is hard sometimes.


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Sometimes I get a heavy dosage of existentialism crisis. Tonight is one of those nights.
What purposes do we have in this world?
I guess that is the question.

For me, the happiness that I received from being a fan girl is surmounting. I wonder if it is alright for me to feel happy from stanning idols.

It is easy to love and admire someone that you can only see from the screen. That person is protected by the distance, and in that way, fans can project their ideals into their idol.

I am one of those fan. I wonder if there is an expiration age for being a fan girl. How long am I allowed to be one?

Current Location: California
Current Mood: Stress
Current Music: Arashi - Everything

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I'd prefered not to air any political thoughts at all in public, but still I really need to vent on the happenings of this presidential election.

Both sides have really been dissapointing. I don't even want to touch the craziness of Trump, let alone the entire right wing party. They have been airing their dirty laundries since before the preliminaries and still dillusional people eat them up.
I feel once again that it is hard  to be a person of color in States, especially female person of colors.

That is why, it is especially annoying when Hillary Clinton did not choose a female or a person of color candidate as Vice President.
I guess I have to be content with first female president and not get too greedy with everything.

Is there such thing as political contentment? Must we as citizens be subjected to every whims of political shenanigans without any reprive? I got headache everytime I think about this.

Seriously though, even Veep cannot think of more outrageous story line. 

Current Location: Califonia
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Arashi - My Girl

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I admit to disliking Taylor Swift a little bit. I guess it is because she always comes off as shrew and calculating to me. Those traits may not necesseraly be bad, they can be used as advantages too. However On her, they manifest as weapons of mass destructions.
I guess it is hard for me to emphatize with rich White women whom worst moment consist of being exposed as a liar.
If that is consider as life's worst moment, then she must have led a very priveledge life.

On the other hand, I abhor the whole Kardashian clans and Kanye West. It is hard for me to take egolomaniac and mysagonistic Kanye as a true artist when he sold his soul for attentions. I guess, this is battle of PR managements from both parties.

In the end as neutral party, I truly enjoy the whole dramas. I don't think Taylor Swift is done, she is too powerful for that.
I guess I'll get my popcorn ready for when she rises like phoenix once again. 

Current Location: California
Current Mood: melancholy melancholy
Current Music: Arashi - Guts

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What song is stuck in your head?
adele's someone like you


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What is your favorite childhood fairytale?


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I often wonder...how do you define good music? why is that all pop songs automatically considered not so good music? you wont hear people list them as example if asked about the best something song they ever heard. There are common perception that listening to Indie songs mean you are cool, and if you listen to pop songs, then you are cheesy.


Another thing, why is it that once you get famous..you are considered selling out..? Take Arashi for example, once they hit horizon and took to stratosphere in 2008, people hve been complaining that they releases are not that good compare to their previous stuff??? how is that possible? why is it that once you become uber famous, you are consider selling out? i ave been Arashi fan for 6 years...i dont like their early stuff compare to their later releases...does that mean i have less class than those who claim otherwise? and those who complain that My Girl sucks/dissapointing, how does that works???? does every song now have to be upbeat/autotunes/dance sounded in order to be considered awesome?


I dont get it, really..and everything is not boring either...and i'm glad they are not releasing songs like those in KPOP..no offense against them, but those kind of song bleeds my ears.

Ah, well...haters gonna hate, i guess.

Current Location: headache land...
Current Mood: blue
Current Music: aiba masaki - pikanchi (remixed version)

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